sadness

It Gets Bitter

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He is tasting every savory word

With a clenching jaw

 If he doesn’t lower his voice the barista will notice

And the inky hipsters drinking their black coffees

Will become our audience

And we’ll be the actors in a romance gone wrong

With a script that stings worse than the Mocha on my tongue

All I want to do is cling onto him in desperation

And press my burning ear to his chest

Maybe it would make him feel something besides disgust

Maybe he could hold me back

Like he used to do

And I wouldn’t push him away

Like I had done too many times out of spite

But I don’t step towards him

Because his coldness has me frozen as I stand

I’m not ready to end this

My eyes scream at him

I think he hears because he goes silent

And now he is looking at me with a brief flicker

Of what was

But it disappears

Faster than the vapor rising from the cup that has just slipped out of my hands

Into a puddle of bitterness on the floor

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High Like Angels

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She’s gotten sick

From being soberly intoxicated

I brush the hair tangles

From her face

I’m so happy

She moans

Her breath reeks of alcohol

Mine does too

The trees spin around us

Sweat on our necks

 

Her shoes are off

She said the filth felt good

Beneath her feet

Smothered in dust

From the gravel

Vomit between them

Tequila on the rocks

 

It’s gotten dark enough

To where we can count stars

And they look closer now

Than they ever have before

 

We don’t have wings

But the liqueur makes us empty enough

To float like we do

 

I can’t explain how this emptiness

Makes us feel stronger

It just does

Because even though it’s cold

We are warm

My friend and I

 

She throws up again

And it gets real silent

Standing there

Swaying on the gravel

The wind quiets down

The birds go still

 

I’m so happy

She says again

A whisper this time

I step towards her

The rocks below crunch

My arms go around her shoulders

 

I know

I say

 

I get it

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Aftershock

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He checked himself in

On the corner of

Denial & devastation

To the heart break hotel

3 days ago

Because he can’t get

His thoughts in chronological order

He’s been having a hard time

Keeping his head up straight

Too weighed down with hoarded memories

Scattered emotions

Scrambled like silly string

He can’t move on until he cleans up the mess

Lodged in like mold

So he’s been pouring his heart out

Like dirty bath water

Taking drives down winding back roads

To help with the asphyxiation of heartbreak  

But the seat next to him screams with emptiness

Her warm body

A phantom

Was it ever real?

It tugs at him

Pulling the knot inside tighter and tighter

With each phone call

Buzzing

Begging him to pick up

His heart drops further and further

Down into oblivion

Because he wants to

Be mad

He should be

Mad at her

But he can’t

He just wants to answer

To push it under the rug

To forgive

But he’d never be able to untangle the mess

And she needs to know

That it’s not okay

She can’t mess up someone like this

And go on like it can all be forgotten

She needs to fucking know

That this feeling can’t ever be forgotten

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Those Days of Running Mascara

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The yolk of her misery oozed out

Saturated lashes

Wetting cheeks with pain as she wept

Her insides shriveling with anguish

She wondered if she could die from this ache

She swore her heart would give out soon

Internal pressure

Throbbed from within the brittle being

She felt as if she would pop from the sadness that was filling her up

The gas of despair

But she knew this suffering made her high moments in life peak greater

They become that much more satisfyingly glorious in contrast

Without this unbearable pain

Her happy days would go less appreciated

As she bawled and groaned she knew it would pass

The hurt would dissipate and

She would wipe the mascara streaks from her face

After she finished burning

And rise back up

Walking over the hot coals of her sorrow

Was the only way to move on

Though the pain seared her deep

She would keep moving forward

Because if she didn’t

She would drown

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