Maybe even love

But I cannot have you

So I look the other way

Hoping that if I focus elsewhere

My heart can forget about you

Your intelligence

The way you move

The way my name sounds on those lips….

One will never be enough

And I know this about you

Yet every time we kiss

I begin to fantasize

Of the what ifs

That’s when I know I’m too weak ….

What if you dreamt of me

and woke up with a longing…

What if you spoke of me

often, missing me as you did so….

What if you too

felt a connection in our lust filled nights….

But, I’m just a pawn

Used at your whim

And I let it all happen

Because I love

So much

Knowing that to you I can never be more

Than what I already am….

I’ve made you want me

So I’ve given myself

hoping that would gain your love

But it hasn’t

and that hurts….

Sometimes I wish we had never started

So I didn’t grow an attachment

Meeting you in the shadows of the unsuspecting nights

To mesh our bodies

Hoping it meant something

For not only me

That it wasn’t just for pleasure….

But it was

And maybe I should stop it

But I already said how weak

I am….

I thought I could handle the physical

without the love

People do it all the time

Don’t they?

But its getting hard to ignore my yearn for it

I’ve already given myself to you

because I love so much

and dream to be loved back….